Motherhood has been, in a word, humbling. Today I am sharing with you a real breastfeeding experience! Not textbook, not from the experts, but an eye opening experience.
It has been over a year since Amelia was born, and I wanted to wait until she was a year old to share this breastfeeding ride with you.
Although I like to remain private on many aspects of motherhood, this is a story I want to share because I think it might help others. Feel free to share this with your friends, children, or future mothers in case they go through something similar.
I have had many questions about this on instagram, so I wanted to do this post today.
Let me start at the beginning.
I always knew I would breastfeed. My mom breastfed my brother and me, so it was something I grew up around. I never thought ANYTHING about it, it was just what you did. I never understood why someone wouldn’t breastfeed. It is simple, free, easy, and healthy for the children, right?
Well, I was very ignorant to the truth about breastfeeding.
The moment my daughter was born, my wonderful nurses immediately brought her to me to begin nursing just minutes after she was born. It was a strange feeling since I was still under anesthia for the cesarean. Everything seemed fine that day. I thought man, this is great!
Just a few days later, the pain in my nipples was really bad. I had all the typical things you get like soreness, scabs, and redness. Then Amelia decided she didn’t know how to nurse very well anymore. I worked with a lactation consultant while in the hospital who gave me some tips and walked me through everything.
After the hospital…
When we got home from the hospital three days after she was born, the pain continued to increase in my boobs. I was also very discouraged because she wasn’t nursing well.
I remember that Friday night after she was born (she was born on Monday), the pain was SOO intense, I had to hold onto my mom and husband’s hand while she latched. The pain was way worse than the C-section.
It got worse through the night, so I texted my lactation consultant. She told me to come in the next day. She set me up with a breast pump to help relieve the pressure. She double checked Amelia’s latch, checked for tongue ties, etc.
Nothing was really wrong, it was just painful! I had horrible bleeding and scabs. It still didn’t seem too unusual though, many of my friends said it was like that for a few weeks.
So, I thought I would just keep waiting for a few weeks to let it pass.
Two weeks go by, three, four, five weeks. Still intense pain. No relief. I went to my doctor and he checked out everything. Amelia was just a hard and intense sucker.
I Had A Low Supply
When Amelia went in for her 10 day check up, she lost weight because I didn’t have a good supply. So, we had to start supplementing.
Then, she got thrush really bad which I am pretty sure transferred to me a little bit. So, on top of all that, I had some serious burning pain. I started using coconut oil topically 10 times a day to get relief. It helped!
I was trying all of these tips I talk about in this post for nursing items.
Two Months Into It
Things got better for a little bit, then at the end of June when Amelia was a little over 2 months old, things got bad again. I had a cut on my left side that couldn’t heal. I went to the doctor again, he said man, that is a deep cut!
I had to use a steroid cream, and keep nursing to avoid mastitis.
The cut finally healed, and we finally got into a less painful routine well into July. I spent days and nights praying about all of this because I wasn’t sure if I could keep breastfeeding with all the pain. Thankfully, things were improving.
In fact, things were great for months. Amelia went through some rough stuff with teething, but it wasn’t anything too bad.
11 Months In
I was so thankful breastfeeding was going well and we were so close to a year! Then, at 11 months, I started getting a lot of pain again. Almost as bad as the beginning. Then, I started getting a fever, chills, engorgement. I thought OMG, mastitis!
Since I didn’t have the classic symptoms like knots or red streaks, I thought it might be okay. It continued to get worse, so I went to the doctor again. He said I had mastitis in both breasts! It took a few weeks to heal from that.
We made it to a year!
It truly felt like an accomplishment when Amelia turned a year old and we are still nursing. I am so thankful the Lord gave me strength to keep going.
But, here are things I learned…
Breastfeeding doesn’t work out for everyone, and that is okay. Believe it or not, as a mother, society makes you feel like you HAVE to breastfeed because it’s best for the baby. It is almost shameful to use formula when you talk to other people. I had to supplement with formula for months because of all of our issues. I am so thankful formula exists!
Breastfeeding IS painful! I was told if it hurts, your doing it wrong. I took baby classes before Amelia got here. Everyone said, oh breastfeeding shouldn’t hurt. If it is, you simply need to check her latch, etc, etc. Well, everything was fine for us. I went to numerous experts to get checked. The simple fact is, it hurt! And we had multiple complications.
Breastfeeding is a wonderful experience, but difficult. I am so thankful for this journey with Amelia, but it was hard. Many tears, many times crying out to God for strength.
Having a c-section complicates breastfeeding. If you have a c-section, it does make breastfeeding more difficult. You have to maneuver around the incision, it is hard to pick up the baby every few hours to nurse. It can also impact your supply! The stress of surgery, the medication, anesthesia, can make your supply lower! I had no idea this could be a thing.
It is okay to use formula! I used to think formula was gross and the only way to feed your baby was through breastfeeding. Well, not everyone can breastfeed. Formula has a purpose and is perfectly acceptable for feeding your baby. Don’t feel like a failure if you use it!
Motherhood in General
Like I said, motherhood has been incredibly humbling. Not only did I have to have a c-section (which I never thought would happen to me), but I had so many complications breastfeeding! I am sharing this with you today because it was shock to me going through it! No one shared this information with me. Many people didn’t have any issues breastfeeding, others only for a few weeks. So, if you happen to be going through a tough time or know someone who is, you aren’t alone. And you are doing a great job taking care of your baby regardless of what you choose to do.
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This is such a great post. I really appreciate your sharing this because I have heard these same things about breastfeeding being easy, it shouldn’t hurt. I had a really hard experience and felt like a failure sometimes. Thank you for sharing this!
Thank you! It is definitely a difficult journey and everyone is unique too!
Every bit of this is true lol… I am her mom and I witnessed all these trials she has mentioned. I personally have breastfed 2 kids( alexis and her brother) and didnt have near the trouble she had.. if I would have I would have tossed in the towel after a month! Bravo Alexis and thank you for sharing the good and bad of breastfeeding. Love you honey MOM
Yes mom! You were there with me every step of the way lol Love you!
Hi Alexis. Thank you for sharing your breastfeeding experience. And that it’s okay to use formula. I’m so sorry that you had so much pain and complications. But the Lord saw you through it, one feeding at a time, and your girl is healthy. I remember my mom using only formula for my siblings in the 60s and 70s – I helped measure out the formula powder etc, In fact, it’s a very special memory, sitting on my dad’s lap, scooping powder for my sister’s formula onto waxed paper. ❤️
Thanks Laurie! It is amazing how formula was really the most popular choice back then. My grammy said the same thing about her boys. My dad used to help her prepare his brother’s bottles! That is a special memory for sure 🙂
My heart hurts for you, Alexis. It irritates me that you were made to feel that using formula is a failure. I hope the periods of time when things went well made the struggle worth it for you. It really is a precious, intimate bonding experience. My oldest child was born in 1979 and I was considered a rebel because I wanted my husband present, I wanted no anesthesia and I wanted to breastfeed my baby. Fortunately, a cesarean was not necessary, but forceps were used. I mean, the doctor inserted the instruments, grasped the head of my infant, braced his foot against the edge of the delivery table and heaved mightily to get the baby out. Not a great experience.. Breastfeeding was not encouraged and was actually considered a somewhat ““uncultured” activity practiced mostly by poor rednecks and hillbillies. A physician acquaintance of mine (a bachelor) even told me that the scientifically developed formulas are much healthier for babies than breast milk. In spite of such discouragement and one nasty episode of mastitis, I nursed my first child for 6 months, my second child for one year and my third child (a 40th birthday surprise!) for two years. The change in attitudes, birthing plans, and technology between my first and third child is astounding. My worst experience was when a friend (also a rebel) gave me her electric breast pump. I wanted to try it when I returned to work, but I was scared of it. It occured to me that if I put very weak batteries in it, I could start with less suction. Instead, the pump slowly sucked, sucked, sucked, until tears were flowing and then it just stopped with my breast thoroughly engulfed and turning an alarming shade of red. Dancing around in pain, I made my way to the kitchen and slid a spoon handle between breast and the cup of the pump to break the suction. Eventually, long after that giant hickey healed, I was able to use the pump correctly and successfully. Did you try using a breast pump?
Hi Cindy 🙂 Yes, I used a breast pump for the first 5 or 6 months from the hospital. I was never able to pump much, but it did help relieve the pain when I needed it. Overall, breastfeeding was an incredible experience. I definitely learned so much, and I am so thankful for this time with my sweet girl. Well worth it!! Thank you so much for sharing your story with me. It is amazing how things have changed over the years